From “You Don’t Know Jack” –

You think you know theme parks? You haven’t had fun `til you come to PHILOSOPHER WORLD!

Screw the Mouse! Forget the Mountain! Busch Gardens is for pussies! You want a theme park? Philosopher World is the place for you!

Enter Plato’s Allegory of the Cave (You may never come out!) Strap yourself into the fastest scientific yet secular perspective towards statecraft: The Mach-Three-avelli! Try the Utilitarian Ride: It gets you to the end of the ride, and that’s all that matters!

Every ride is a tabula rasa waiting to be strapped around your waist and grabbed onto for dear life! “You’ll never lose your absolute spirits with this much to do!”

St. Thomas Aquinas’ Log Ride! Ready to Go Karts! Hobbes’ Leviathan! Twirl yourself silly on the Hoses Spinoza! Find Thoreau in the Forestland Scavanger Hunt! Kids, try the new Buridan’s Ass Petting Zoo! One ride and you’ll be coming back for tons more!

“God may be dead but heaven is a place called PHILOSOPHER WORLD!”